JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — CMG Radio aired its Stopping the Music to Silence the Violence special from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. Sunday evening.
The domestic violence campaign had four panelists: Attorney Atiya Clarke, Licensed Mental Health Counselor Dr. Janie Lacy, Licensed Psychotherapist Dr. Pernell M.J. Bush and Master of Science in Psychology and Domestic Abuse Survivor Candace Cunningham.
The event had a live forum where callers could ask questions about mental health, trauma and breaking cycles. Questions included how to accept healthy love following a domestic violence situation without self-sabotaging and how someone can help a loved one in an abusive relationship.
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Dr. Lacy says there’s nothing someone can say to make a victim leave, but there are two things they can do: remove judgment and be consistent.
“You may not understand, but remove judgment and try not to give direction, [like] ‘This is what I would do, I would leave, I wouldn’t tolerate this,’” Lacy said. “Because what that does is that brings shame, and when it brings shame to her, then she’s more likely to be more isolated.”
Lacy has been a licensed mental health counselor and relationship trauma expert for 20 years. She says it’s common for clients to take a while to identify with the words “domestic violence.”
“Most victims come in for other reasons, and it usually becomes apparent at some point as therapists when we ask the right questions, because a lot of times victims come in, they’re very shameful, so they’re not going to come into a therapist’s office and say, ‘My husband or my boyfriend is beating me or hitting me,’” Lacy said. “[Healing] usually starts where that self-awareness happens, and then everything changes when they realize that ‘I can’t do this anymore,’ but it looks like small choices along the way.”
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Another panelist, Atiya Clarke, says she’s a victim of domestic violence herself. She wants to make sure people know that if you’re a victim, it is not your fault.
“Sometimes they feel like, ‘I can just stay in and I can change them,’ [but] you can’t change anybody who’s not ready to change themselves,” Clarke said. “Sometimes, it’s better to let go than to try to hold on and recognize that you’re not doing it to them, they are doing it to themselves.”
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She also says that there’s never an excuse for violence.
“Everybody has a choice; Everybody has opportunities to do differently, and not your history, not your background, not your job — nothing in your life forces them to make the decision that they’re making,” Clarke said. “It’s best that you recognize that, and get your power back by deciding something different.”
If you or someone you know is in a domestic violence situation, please contact the domestic violence hotline at 1-800-500-1119.
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